Today marks a whole week of journalling! Who knew I’d be able to stick at doing this without missing a day, I feel like this is one of a few things that keeps me sane in this sobriety journey. Also it’s a good way to keep motivated to do things so I can write and tell you all about it.
Last night my plans was to clean the litter tray, tidy kitchen and shower, I did all but shower, that’s the plan for tonight. I will do it! I didn’t get the bathroom finished either but it’s not a state so can get on with finishing that tomorrow.. as well as starting the bedroom. All washing up has been kept up with and have done two laundry loads so I haven’t been completely lazy. I didn’t get back from seeing my baby until 25past 5 so there’s that excuse as well 😛
It was a good start to the day this morning, both me and my partner was in a good mood.. right up until he got a text from his brother with a wedding update. As covid’s been going on they’ve had to keep postponing and eventually came to the conclusion to have a small wedding just the two of them and then when restrictions are gone they can have a party which everyone can attend. My partner was relieved by that as their wedding is 1month before the final court hearing where it shall be decided whether our son can come back home or not. My partner wasn’t keen on the idea of attending the wedding without our baby being there with us, which I completely understand and feel the same about. It’s very hard to be around other people that have their kids with them and seeing that happiness that we can’t have at the moment. So the plan of there not being a get together until after the hearing and *hopefully* having our boy back with us was a sigh of relief. That’s not the plan anymore. My partner got a text to say the wedding is going ahead on the original date with now 30 people being allowed to attend due to the changes in restrictions. So there will be a wedding we have to attend without our baby by our side surrounded by his brothers and their childrn, a hard one to swallow. My partners mood changed immediately with the news and I could see he was upset, when he’s upset he’s blunt and snappy and it runs of on me and I find my mood goes along with his. It didn’t last all day though, by the time we was leaving to go and see our baby he had perked up and the bluntness and snappyness left. I get completely why he was upset, I know it’s going to be a tough day but we shall get through it together. There’s no point in getting worked up about something happening in 2months.. who knows, things could easily change again by then.
Visit with our baby today was lovely, he laughed alot, that boys laugh is my favourite thing in the world. It fills my soul with the best feeling ever. My partner was holding our baby up in the air and swooshing him from side to side, each time he came to the side I was sitting I would pop up and make a noise and he laughed so much doing that. Also I was trying to teach him to crawl by crawling around the floor, he was laughing at that too. He can move backwards but not forwards yet, still yet to lift his belly off the floor, I’m sure it won’t take him long. I got a book of nursery rhymes out and was singing those to him but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like my singing voice as he kept yanking the book out of my hands. X factor is not for me then…HA!
Something crazy happened this evening too, I have a sponsee! My friend in New York! I was talking to her today and asked her if she wanted to go through the steps at some point (not with me specifically) and she said yes. I know at one point she had got herself a sponser that was also located in New York but felt it was a bit awkward and did t feel like she was fully ready to give up the weed so she came away from that sponsor. In the last few days she’s been wanting to try again with giving the weed up too. I told her if she’s struggling to find a sponsor she connects with i’d be willing to go through them with her. She replied yes please. We’ll wait till she’s at 7days clean before starting the book, I’m hoping now that she knows she has a sponsor she can connect with it won’t seem as crazy, I just told her to let me know when she’s ready. I got filled with self doubt but self doubt helps no one so all I can do is show her how I’ve learnt and hope that through doing that she gets sober. We shall see what happens, I shall remain hopeful!
It feels good to be at the point I can help others, I just hope I do a good job doing it. I’m sure with the universe by my side anything is possible.
5 days away from 60 days!
I shall leave it there for tonight, it’s just turned midnight and I still need to shower.
Goodnight X until tomorrow.
Recovery&me 